For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
