I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
