we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
