I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
