The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
