based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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