Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
