Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
