that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
