i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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