Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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