My nipple is on Facebook.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
