dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
