Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
