you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
