so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
