We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
