There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
