I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
