Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
