the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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