and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
