Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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