I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
