You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
