Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
