so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
