so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
