i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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