don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
