Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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