I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
