New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
