i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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