Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
