Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nicole vs. Life
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
