We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This house was built for laser tag.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
