dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
honey bunches of taint.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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