It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
