i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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