I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
