Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
