And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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