so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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