Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
