I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
