My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
