she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
