4 words: hood of his car
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
