Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
