What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
