Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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